Emotional Intelligence Series
Emotional intelligence (EQ) is one of the most crucial skills for navigating relationships, handling stress, and succeeding in life—both personally and professionally. People with high EQ are skilled at understanding and managing their own emotions while also being attuned to the feelings of others. But what happens when someone has low EQ?
One of the clearest signs of low emotional intelligence is how people communicate. The words we choose can reveal a lot about our ability to empathize, self-regulate, and manage social interactions effectively. If you’ve ever encountered someone who seems dismissive, overly critical, or emotionally tone-deaf, chances are they’ve used some of the following phrases.
The 10 Most Common Phrases Used By People With Low EQ
Why they reflect poor emotional intelligence, and what can be said instead.
No. 1 — “You’re overreacting.”
This is a classic phrase that shuts down emotional expression. Telling someone they’re overreacting dismisses their feelings and invalidates their experience. It implies that their emotions aren’t legitimate or worth addressing.
Why It’s Low EQ
People with low EQ struggle to empathize and often don’t understand that emotions, whether big or small, are valid. This phrase comes from an inability to recognize or respect another person’s emotional state.
A Better Approach
Instead of dismissing their feelings, try saying, “I see you’re upset. Can you tell me more about what’s going on?” This shows empathy and opens the door to understanding their perspective.
No. 2 — “That’s not my problem.”
This phrase signals a complete lack of responsibility and care for others. While it’s true that we can’t solve every issue that arises, completely brushing off someone’s concerns reflects an unwillingness to offer support or even acknowledge their struggle.
Why It’s Low EQ
Low EQ individuals often struggle to build strong interpersonal connections because they don’t see the value in helping others. They may not realize that small gestures of support can strengthen relationships and foster trust.
A Better Approach
If you can’t solve the issue directly, try saying, “I understand that’s difficult. How can I help, or is there someone who might be able to assist?”
No. 3 — “You’re too sensitive.”
This is a go-to phrase for those who dismiss others’ emotions. It’s often used to deflect responsibility for hurtful words or actions, blaming the other person for “taking things the wrong way.”
Why It’s Low EQ
Emotional intelligence involves taking accountability for how your actions affect others. Calling someone “too sensitive” is a way of avoiding that accountability.
A Better Approach
Say something like, “I didn’t mean to upset you. Let’s talk about what I said and how it came across.” This shows that you’re willing to own your part and improve the interaction.
No. 3 — “I don’t have time for this.”
This phrase often comes across as dismissive and can make the other person feel unimportant. While time constraints are real, shutting someone down in this way shows a lack of emotional awareness.
Why It’s Low EQ
Low EQ individuals often prioritize tasks over relationships, failing to recognize the importance of taking a moment to address someone’s concerns or feelings.
A Better Approach
If you’re genuinely busy, try saying, “I really want to give this the attention it deserves, but I’m pressed for time right now. Can we talk about it later?” This acknowledges the person’s needs while setting a boundary.
No. 5 — “Calm down.”
Telling someone to calm down almost always has the opposite effect. It invalidates their feelings and comes across as condescending, as though they’re being irrational for feeling upset.
Why It’s Low EQ
People with low EQ often lack the patience to de-escalate tense situations. Instead of addressing the root cause of someone’s distress, they default to dismissive statements that ignore the underlying emotions.
A Better Approach
Instead of commanding someone to calm down, say, “I can see you’re upset. Let’s take a moment and talk about what’s bothering you.” This creates space for dialogue and emotional processing.
No. 6 — “Why are you so dramatic?”
Labeling someone as “dramatic” is a quick way to invalidate their emotions. It implies that their feelings are exaggerated or unnecessary, which can make them feel embarrassed or dismissed.
Why It’s Low EQ
Low EQ individuals often struggle to differentiate between their own emotional discomfort and someone else’s emotional expression. Instead of addressing their discomfort, they blame the other person for being “too much.”
A Better Approach
Say something like, “I can tell this is really important to you. Let’s talk about it.” This acknowledges their emotions without judgment.
No. 7 — “That’s just how I am.”
This phrase is often used to justify hurtful behavior. It’s a way of shutting down constructive feedback and refusing to grow or change.
Why It’s Low EQ
Emotional intelligence involves self-awareness and a willingness to improve. Saying “that’s just how I am” reflects a lack of accountability and an unwillingness to consider how your actions impact others.
A Better Approach
Instead, try saying, “I didn’t realize how that came across. I’ll work on being more mindful in the future.” This shows emotional maturity and a commitment to growth.
No. 8 — “I don’t care how you feel.”
This is perhaps one of the most overtly low EQ phrases on the list. It communicates a complete disregard for someone else’s emotions, creating distance and eroding trust.
Why It’s Low EQ
Empathy is a cornerstone of emotional intelligence, and this phrase reveals a total absence of it. Relationships thrive on mutual understanding, and statements like this drive people apart.
A Better Approach
Even if you’re frustrated, try to acknowledge the other person’s emotions. You might say, “I’m finding it hard to understand your perspective, but I want to listen and try.”
No. 9 — “It’s not that big of a deal.”
Minimizing someone’s concerns is a subtle way of invalidating their feelings. Even if something seems minor to you, it could feel significant to the other person.
Why It’s Low EQ
Low EQ individuals often fail to recognize that people experience situations differently. Just because something doesn’t bother them doesn’t mean it’s unimportant to someone else.
A Better Approach
Say, “I see this is important to you. Let’s figure out how we can address it.” This response validates their perspective while focusing on solutions.
No. 10 — “You always…” or “You never…”
These sweeping generalizations often come up in arguments and are almost always counterproductive. They put the other person on the defensive and escalate conflict.
Why It’s Low EQ
People with low EQ struggle to communicate constructively. Instead of addressing specific behaviors, they resort to exaggerated language that makes the other person feel attacked.
A Better Approach
Focus on specific instances rather than generalizations. For example, say, “I noticed that last week you didn’t follow through on [specific task]. Can we talk about how to handle this in the future?”
Why Words Matter
The way we communicate has a profound impact on our relationships, both personal and professional. While phrases like the ones above may seem harmless or even justified in the moment, they can cause lasting damage to trust, understanding, and collaboration.
The good news? Emotional intelligence is a skill that can be developed. By becoming more mindful of the words we use and how they affect others, we can build stronger, more empathetic connections.
How to Improve Your EQ in Communication
No. 1 — Practice Empathy
Put yourself in the other person’s shoes and consider how your words might make them feel.
No. 2 — Pause Before Responding
Take a moment to think before speaking, especially in emotionally charged situations.
No. 3 — Use “I” Statements
Focus on your own feelings and experiences rather than blaming the other person.
No. 4 — Be Curious
Instead of jumping to conclusions, ask questions to better understand the other person’s perspective.
No. 5 — Seek Feedback
Ask trusted friends or colleagues for input on how you communicate and where you can improve.
Final Thoughts
The phrases we use in daily conversations reveal a lot about our emotional intelligence. While it’s easy to fall into the trap of saying things like “calm down” or “you’re overreacting,” these statements do more harm than good.
By choosing our words carefully and striving to communicate with empathy and understanding, we can build stronger relationships and create a more positive environment for everyone. After all, emotional intelligence isn’t just about what we feel—it’s about how we help others feel, too.
