Deep Dives Articles

DEEP DIVES ARTICLE — EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE

​The 13 Biggest Emotional Intelligence “No-No’s” a Leader Can Make​

This is a sneak peek of this week’s Deep Dives article — published today! Become a Deep Dives Member to get access to the full article.

You might be leading with good intentions — but are you unknowingly eroding trust, morale, or culture? From conflict avoidance to emotional overreach, some of the most damaging leadership habits disguise themselves as “strength” or “niceness.” In this Deep Dive, we unpack the 13 silent killers of emotionally intelligent leadership — and how to spot (and fix) them before they derail your influence.

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DEEP DIVES ARTICLE — PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT

​Resentment Is Like Drinking Poison and Hoping It Will Kill the Other Person​

This is a sneak peek of this week’s Deep Dives article — published today! Become a Deep Dives Member to get access to the full article.

Resentment feels justified — but it’s quietly eroding your peace, your energy, and your growth. In this powerful Deep Dive, we unpack how holding onto emotional grudges stalls personal development, damages relationships, and keeps you anchored in past pain. Discover the mindset shifts, self-reflection strategies, and practical steps to release resentment — not for them, but for you.

👉 Ready to let go and reclaim your power? Subscribe to Deep Dives to unlock the full article. Your next level of freedom might start here.


DEEP DIVES ARTICLE — LEADERSHIP

​The Efficiency Trap: Why Great Leaders Prioritize Effectiveness Over Speed​

This is a sneak peek of this week’s Deep Dives article — published today! Become a Deep Dives Member to get access to the full article.

You’re checking boxes, hitting deadlines, and moving fast — but are you actually moving in the right direction? In this Deep Dive, we explore the hidden danger of worshiping efficiency at the expense of effectiveness. Discover why some of the busiest leaders are unknowingly sabotaging long-term impact — and how to reorient around purpose, not just productivity.

👉 Unlock the full Deep Dive and learn how to lead with clarity, not just speed.


Deep Dives Book Summary

This is a sneak peek of this week’s Deep Dives Book Review — published today! Become a Deep Dives Member to get access to the full Book Summary.

What if the key to greatness isn’t talent — but discomfort, iteration, and purpose? In Hidden Potential, Adam Grant flips the script on success, showing that our most extraordinary growth comes not from what we’re born with, but from what we’re brave enough to practice. From becoming “creatures of discomfort” to embracing imperfection, reframing plateaus, and designing systems that elevate everyone — not just the already gifted — Grant unpacks the mindset shifts and cultural levers that unleash unrealized capability. If you’re serious about leadership, growth, or unlocking human potential (in yourself or others), this book is a must-read.

👉 Join the Deep Dives Membership and learn how to lead with clarity, not just speed, and discover what you’re really capable of.


Quick Reads

quick read — Emotional intelligence

The Hidden Superpower of Emotional Intelligence: Why Emotional Granularity Changes Everything

When most people think about emotional intelligence, they imagine things like empathy, self-awareness, and the ability to manage emotions in a heated moment. These are crucial aspects of EQ—but there’s one hidden dimension that gets far less attention, despite its transformative power:

Emotional granularity — the ability to accurately identify, label, and differentiate your emotions with precision.

It sounds subtle. But the difference between saying “I feel bad” and “I feel rejected, embarrassed, and a bit anxious” is the difference between emotional fog and emotional clarity. And that clarity can change how you respond, how you lead, how you relate, and how you heal.

Let’s dive into what emotional granularity is, why it’s so often ignored, and how it might be one of the most underrated skills in leadership, mental health, and meaningful relationships.

What Is Emotional Granularity?

At its core, emotional granularity is the ability to distinguish between different emotional states with nuance and language.

Instead of defaulting to blunt labels like:

  • “I’m mad”
  • “I’m stressed”
  • “I’m fine”

…a person with high emotional granularity might say:

  • “I’m frustrated that my ideas weren’t heard, and also nervous about how this will affect my credibility.”
  • “I feel drained, not angry—just depleted from constant decision-making.”
  • “I’m feeling content, a little nostalgic, and quietly optimistic.”

This may seem like a semantic game. But it’s not. Naming emotions with precision allows you to understand them, regulate them, and communicate them far more effectively.

Why It’s So Important

Dr. Lisa Feldman Barrett, a leading neuroscientist and psychologist, has found that people with high emotional granularity:

  • Experience fewer negative emotions overall
  • Handle stress better
  • Are more resilient
  • Make better decisions
  • Have better mental and physical health

Why?

Because when you can accurately name what you feel, you’re less likely to be overwhelmed by it or misinterpret it. You can choose a response that fits the emotion—not just react on autopilot.

Example: Workplace Conflict

Let’s say you leave a tense meeting and feel “off.”

Someone with low granularity might say:

“I’m just pissed.”

That label might lead to rumination, confrontation, or withdrawal—none of which actually solve the problem.

Someone with high granularity might say:

“I’m feeling dismissed and a bit insecure. I wanted my idea to land, but it didn’t.”

Now they’re in a position to reflect: Was my idea unclear? Did I misread the room? Should I follow up and clarify?

This isn’t about suppressing emotion — it’s about understanding it clearly enough to act wisely.

Why It’s Often Overlooked

Despite its impact, emotional granularity rarely makes it into EQ workshops, leadership books, or performance reviews. Here’s why:

No. 1 — It’s Quiet and Subtle

Unlike dramatic displays of empathy or conflict resolution, granularity is internal. It happens in how you talk to yourself, not just how you talk to others.

No. 2 — It Requires Vocabulary

Many people weren’t taught a wide emotional vocabulary growing up. As children, we’re often told to “calm down” or “stop being dramatic” instead of being asked what we’re feeling and why.

No. 3 — It Challenges Binary Thinking

We tend to simplify emotions into good vs. bad. But emotions are more like a palette than a switch. Granularity helps us move from black and white to full color—but that takes intention.

No. 4 — It Makes You Slow Down

Granularity asks you to pause and reflect before reacting. In fast-paced work environments, this can feel counterintuitive—but it’s exactly what’s needed to make smart, emotionally intelligent decisions.

Why Leaders Should Pay Attention

For leaders, emotional granularity is a game changer. Here’s why:

No. 1 — It Improves Communication

A leader who says, “I’m disappointed that we missed the mark—I feel responsible for not aligning us better at the start,” builds trust. That’s far more effective than someone who says, “I’m just frustrated—do better.”

No. 2 — It Sharpens Decision-Making

When you can tell the difference between nervousness, fear, and excitement, you’re better equipped to make decisions under pressure—and help your team do the same.

No. 3 — It Builds Psychological Safety

When leaders model emotional nuance, teams feel safer expressing their own. Instead of hiding feelings out of fear, people learn that emotions are valid data, not threats.

How to Cultivate Emotional Granularity

Like any skill, emotional granularity can be built over time. Here are a few practical strategies:

No. 1 — Expand Your Emotional Vocabulary

Start by learning more words to describe your emotional state. Instead of just “angry,” explore:

  • Irritated
  • Frustrated
  • Annoyed
  • Resentful
  • Betrayed
  • Disrespected

Each of these carries a different root and implication.

There are dozens of emotion wheels and apps (like the Mood Meter) that can help build this language.

No. 2 — Practice Labeling in Real Time

When you feel something intense, pause and ask:

  • What exactly am I feeling right now?
  • Is there more than one emotion present?
  • What triggered it?
  • What might be underneath this emotion?

This small pause helps shift your brain from reaction to reflection.

No. 3 — Use “Name It to Tame It”

This phrase, coined by Dr. Dan Siegel, reminds us that naming an emotion reduces its power over us. Simply labeling an emotion can reduce the intensity of the limbic response in the brain.

Instead of being consumed by anger, you observe: “Ah, I’m feeling envy and left out right now.”

That observation creates space between stimulus and response.

No. 4 — Journal With Emotional Specificity

At the end of the day, try journaling your emotional landscape:

“I felt excited during the brainstorm, then deflated after the meeting. I think I felt ignored when my idea wasn’t acknowledged. That made me feel both sad and a bit ashamed.”

This doesn’t have to be poetic—it’s a workout for your emotional muscles.

No. 5 — Model It for Others

Whether you’re a parent, partner, or manager, modeling emotional granularity helps others build it too. Instead of saying, “Don’t be upset,” try:

“It sounds like you’re feeling let down and maybe a little overlooked. Is that right?”

You’re helping them name the experience—and strengthening the relationship at the same time.

Emotions Are Data, Not Disruptions

Too often, we treat emotions like interruptions to be managed. But the truth is, emotions are information. They’re telling you something about your needs, your values, your environment, and your experience.

The more precisely you can read that information, the more powerfully you can navigate the world.

So the next time you feel “off,” don’t push it down or push through it. Get curious. Get specific. Put language to it.

Because the ability to say “I feel anxious, not angry” or “I’m actually hurt, not just annoyed” might just be the most emotionally intelligent thing you do all day.


quick read — Personal development

The Power of Being Wrong: Why Vulnerability Is the Glue of Every Great Relationship

We live in a world obsessed with being right. Social media rewards the sharpest clapbacks. Corporate culture often prizes certainty over curiosity. In relationships—whether personal or professional—we’re taught, implicitly or explicitly, that being right earns respect and control.

But here’s the twist: being wrong, and admitting it, may be one of the most powerful forces for connection we have.

Vulnerability is not weakness. In fact, it’s one of the greatest strengths a person can display. The willingness to admit fault, acknowledge imperfection, and own our mistakes isn’t just healthy—it’s magnetic. It disarms others. It deepens trust. And it creates the emotional safety necessary for real, sustainable relationships.

Let’s break down why being wrong isn’t something to fear—but something to lean into if you want to build lasting, honest, human connections.

Why Admitting You’re Wrong Is a Superpower

In any relationship—spouse to spouse, leader to team, parent to child—admitting fault signals three critical things:

  • You prioritize the relationship over your ego.
  • You’re open to growth, not just being right.
  • You create space for honesty on both sides.

When someone admits they’re wrong, they lower their guard. And in doing so, they give the other person permission to do the same. It’s a powerful emotional signal: “I trust you enough to let you see me as I really am.”

This kind of openness breeds trust, which is the foundation of all meaningful connection.

The Myth of the Strong, Stoic Leader (or Partner)

Too often, we mistake strength for certainty. We believe good leaders never second-guess themselves. That solid partners never lose their cool. That confidence means always having the answer.

But the truth is, unshakable certainty can actually create distance. It intimidates. It shuts down dialogue. It builds walls.

Real strength is being open—even when it’s uncomfortable. It’s saying, “I got this one wrong.” Or, “I could have handled that better.” Or even, “I don’t know.”

Consider this: when’s the last time you felt closer to someone because they admitted a mistake?

Odds are, it didn’t make you respect them less. It probably made you respect them more. That moment of humility likely made the relationship feel safer, more human, and more balanced.

The Psychology Behind Vulnerability and Trust

Psychologist and researcher Brené Brown popularized the idea that vulnerability is the birthplace of connection. Her work shows that vulnerability, far from being weakness, is what allows for trust, empathy, and intimacy to grow.

Here’s why:

  • When someone admits fault, it lowers the psychological defenses of the other person.
  • This creates psychological safety, where honesty is rewarded rather than punished.
  • In this safe space, people can express themselves without fear of judgment, which leads to more meaningful connection.

In contrast, perfectionism or the need to always be right creates distance. It fosters judgment, competition, and emotional walls.

What Happens When We Can’t Admit We’re Wrong

Let’s be honest: we all know someone who never admits fault.

These people often think they’re protecting their image. But what they’re really doing is eroding the very trust they seek to preserve.

When you can’t admit when you’re wrong:

  • Others stop being honest with you.
  • You lose credibility over time, even if you’re technically correct.
  • Resentment builds quietly.
  • Conflict goes unresolved or festers.

Over time, this creates toxic relational patterns—whether at home, on teams, or in leadership.

In short, a refusal to be wrong is a refusal to connect.

Real-Life Example: The Leader Who Said “I Blew It”

Imagine two leaders.

Leader A blames the team when a project misses its deadline. They explain why external factors got in the way, how they were misled by others, and how they never had the right resources to succeed.

Leader B, faced with the same situation, gathers the team and says:

“I missed something important in the planning process. That’s on me. I’ll be adjusting how we scope projects going forward. I know we can do better—and I appreciate how hard you all worked.”

Which leader do you want to follow?

Leader B’s vulnerability doesn’t weaken authority—it strengthens it. By modeling accountability, they raise the emotional bar for the entire team.

And here’s the kicker: that kind of honesty doesn’t just feel good—it improves performance, creativity, and retention.

Real-Life Example: The Partner Who Said “I Overreacted”

In a romantic relationship, being wrong can be even more emotionally charged.

Let’s say a couple argues. One partner snaps in frustration and says something unfair. Later, instead of doubling down or brushing it off, they say:

“I overreacted earlier. I was stressed, but that’s no excuse. I didn’t treat you with the respect you deserve. I’m really sorry.”

That moment—raw, honest, and unguarded—can be the turning point in a relationship.

Why?

Because the apology isn’t just about being right or wrong—it’s about rebuilding emotional safety. It tells the other person: “You matter more to me than my pride.”

How to Practice the Power of Being Wrong

Admitting fault is a skill — one that can be learned and strengthened over time. Here’s how to start:

No. 1 — Pause Before Defending Yourself

Our instinct is to protect our ego. Instead, take a breath and ask: “Is this about being right or getting it right?”

No. 2 — Use “I” Language, Not “But” Language

Say: “I made a mistake.” Not: “I made a mistake, but you should have…”

Own your part fully first.

No. 3 — Normalize Mistakes in Your Culture

Whether it’s your family or your team, create space where making a mistake doesn’t equal shame. Model it yourself.

No. 4 — Repair Quickly

The longer you wait to acknowledge a mistake, the more damage it does. Quick repair leads to quicker reconnection.

No. 5 — Ask for Feedback

When you ask, “What could I have done differently?” — you’re showing courage and care.

Imperfection Is the Bridge

In the end, what makes a relationship strong isn’t perfection. It’s repair. It’s the courage to say: “I didn’t get that right, but I want to.”

We bond most deeply not when we get everything right, but when we’re honest enough to be seen fully — and safe enough to be loved anyway.

So the next time you catch yourself trying to prove your point or protect your pride, pause and ask:

“What would happen if I let go of being right and leaned into being real?”

Because connection doesn’t live in perfection.

It lives in the willingness to be wrong — and the courage to grow from it.


quick read — LEADERSHIP

What Makes (and Breaks) a Leader: 5 Traits That Define the Difference

Leadership isn’t a title — it’s a behavior. It’s less about having power and more about how you use it. In organizations, schools, communities, and families, leadership shows up not in grand gestures, but in small, consistent actions that either build trust or erode it.

Whether you’re leading a team, a company, or a project, the impact of your leadership style echoes far beyond your intentions. The difference between a thriving culture and a toxic one often comes down to a simple truth: how you lead when no one is watching.

So, what actually separates the most effective leaders from the ones who unintentionally (or sometimes deliberately) undermine their teams?

Let’s explore the five most common traits of effective leaders — and their contrasting counterparts in ineffective leadership.

The 5 Most Common Traits of Effective Leaders

No. 1 — Self-Awareness

Great leaders know themselves. They understand their strengths, their blind spots, and how their behavior impacts those around them. More importantly, they are willing to acknowledge it. They seek feedback not as validation, but as a tool for growth.

Self-awareness gives leaders the power to lead with intention instead of impulse. They’re able to recognize when their tone shifts in stress, when their decision-making may be biased, or when they need to step back and let others shine.

As Harvard Business Review noted, self-awareness is the “meta-skill of the 21st century.” Without it, every other leadership trait suffers.

Ask yourself. Do I know how people experience me in a meeting, under pressure, or during feedback?

No. 2 — Emotional Intelligence (EQ)

While IQ may get you the job, EQ determines how well you lead once you’re in it.

Emotionally intelligent leaders regulate their own emotions, understand the feelings of others, and respond in ways that promote connection rather than conflict. They read the room. They adapt their approach to different people without losing authenticity.

This doesn’t mean being soft — it means being smart with emotion. Teams led by high-EQ leaders report greater engagement, less turnover, and significantly higher psychological safety.

Ask yourself. When things get tense, do I become reactive —or do I create calm and clarity?

No. 3 — Clear Vision and Strategic Thinking

People don’t follow leaders — they follow clarity. Effective leaders paint a vivid picture of where the team is headed, why it matters, and how each person contributes to that future.

They also know how to zoom out when needed. Strategic thinking allows them to look beyond day-to-day tasks and connect decisions to long-term outcomes. When the team hits roadblocks, a clear and compelling vision becomes the rallying cry that keeps everyone moving forward.

Ask yourself. Can I articulate our “why” in one sentence? Do my actions align with that vision?

No. 4 — Accountability and Ownership

Effective leaders take responsibility — especially when things go wrong. They don’t deflect, blame, or disappear when mistakes happen. They model ownership, which in turn creates a culture of trust and continuous improvement.

They also hold others accountable with consistency and fairness. Not through fear or intimidation, but by setting clear expectations, following through, and addressing underperformance with courage and care.

Ask yourself. When mistakes happen, do I focus on learning — or scapegoating?

No. 5 — Empowerment and People Development

Great leaders don’t just deliver results — they develop people. They delegate authority, not just tasks. They coach, they mentor, and they ask questions that help others think for themselves.

They create an environment where team members feel safe to take risks, contribute ideas, and grow. Empowerment isn’t just a management style — it’s a multiplier effect. The more you grow your people, the more your impact grows.

Ask yourself. Who am I developing right now? Who could lead without me?

The 5 Most Common Traits of Ineffective Leaders

Now let’s look at the flip side. Many ineffective leaders don’t fail because they’re evil or incompetent. Often, they simply operate from fear, ego, or unawareness. Their impact may not be immediately obvious, but over time, these behaviors corrode trust and performance.

No. 1 — Insecurity Masquerading as Control

Insecure leaders often overcompensate by becoming rigid, controlling, or authoritarian. They micromanage. They insert themselves into decisions unnecessarily. Why? Because they’re terrified of being exposed, outshined, or outsmarted.

Instead of developing others, they hoard authority. Instead of empowering, they diminish. In the end, their fear becomes everyone else’s frustration.

Watch for. Frequent second-guessing of team members. Needing to approve every small decision.

No. 2 — Poor Communication

Inconsistent, unclear, or reactive communication is one of the fastest ways to lose credibility. Ineffective leaders often speak in vague platitudes, leave their teams guessing, or only communicate when something is wrong.

They avoid hard conversations, delay feedback, or give direction that lacks context. Over time, this creates confusion, disengagement, and misalignment.

Watch for. “Wait, what exactly are we doing?” being asked too often.

No. 3 — Lack of Emotional Regulation

We’ve all seen it: the leader who lashes out in frustration, gets defensive during feedback, or shuts down when things get tough. These leaders operate on emotional autopilot — and it’s exhausting for everyone around them.

Instead of being the emotional thermostat, they become the emotional rollercoaster. One bad moment can undo weeks of good leadership.

Watch for. Mood swings that dictate how safe people feel that day.

No. 4 — Avoidance of Accountability

Ineffective leaders rarely own mistakes. When things go sideways, they point fingers or shift blame. When standards aren’t met, they look the other way.

This erodes trust fast. When people see their leader dodge accountability, it gives permission for others to do the same — and standards collapse.

Watch for. Silence during failure and defensiveness during review.

No. 5 — Neglect of People Development

Ineffective leaders see people as a means to an end. They don’t coach, develop, or invest in their teams. Their focus is on outputs, not outcomes. As a result, they burn through talent — or worse, keep high performers stuck and disengaged.

Long term, this creates a stagnant team with low morale, little innovation, and high turnover.

Watch for. No time spent on 1:1s, mentoring, or professional growth discussions.

Lead with Intent, Not Just Intuition

Leadership is influence, and influence is earned. Whether you’re a CEO, a department head, or a first-time team lead, these traits show up in how you speak, how you act, and how you make others feel.

The best leaders don’t lead by accident. They develop these traits through honest self-reflection, intentional practice, and courageous feedback.

And the worst? They often lead on autopilot —reactive, insecure, and unaware of the ripple effects they create.

So the question becomes: which traits are you nurturing today? And which ones are silently sabotaging your leadership?

Because in the end, leadership isn’t about being right. It’s about being real, being consistent, and bringing out the best in others.


Quotes of the Week

QUOTE — EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE


QUOTE — PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT


QUOTE — LEADERSHIP


Reframe

Push vs. Pull: The Subtle Art of Knowing How to Move a Team

There’s a moment in every leader’s journey where the strategy that got them results in the past suddenly stops working. What once inspired urgency now causes resistance. What once drove performance now breeds burnout. And it often comes down to this critical leadership tension:

Should I Push My Team — Or Pull Them?

These two approaches represent different energies, philosophies, and outcomes. One is about drive. The other is about draw. One mobilizes through pressure; the other, through purpose. Both have their place. But knowing when and how to use each is what separates effective leaders from reactive ones.

Let’s unpack the difference between pushing and pulling, when to use each, and what can go wrong when you apply the wrong approach at the wrong time.

Push vs. Pull Leadership: What’s the Difference?

Push Leadership

Pushing is directive. It often looks like:

  • Clear targets
  • Top-down pressure
  • Tight deadlines
  • High urgency
  • Intensity or direct accountability

It’s the “Let’s go!” leadership style. Pushing rallies energy around a goal by applying tension or urgency.

Pull Leadership

Pulling is invitational. It often includes:

  • Inspiring vision
  • Shared ownership
  • Empowerment and buy-in
  • Curiosity over command
  • Emotional resonance

It’s the “Here’s why this matters — come with me” style. Pulling engages intrinsic motivation and emotional alignment.

When to Use Push Leadership

There are times when push is not only appropriate — but essential.

No. 1 — In Crisis or High-Stakes Situations

When timing is critical, ambiguity is risky, or the stakes are high, teams often need clarity and decisiveness more than autonomy.

Example. A resort experiences a last-minute operational failure before a major VIP guest arrival. There’s no time for ideation — only fast, clear, directional leadership. Push is the only path forward.

No. 2 — When Standards Slip

Sometimes, a leader needs to raise the bar and reestablish accountability. A well-timed push can reset expectations, especially when a team has drifted into complacency.

No. 3 — During Execution Phase

Once a team is aligned on vision, push can be useful in driving execution — especially for repetitive tasks or high-efficiency systems where over-collaboration can create drag.

When to Use Pull Leadership

Pull is about influence over authority—and it’s often the key to long-term performance.

No. 1 — During Vision Setting or Change Initiatives

People rarely embrace change because they’re told to. They adopt change when they see why it matters — and how it benefits them and others. Pulling creates emotional alignment and shared ownership.

Example. A hospitality company wants to shift toward sustainability. Instead of mandating new SOPs, the leadership involves team members in co-creating eco-friendly practices. The result? Pride and buy-in.

No. 2 — When Leading Creative or Knowledge Work

Pulling unlocks innovation. In environments where creativity and emotional energy are key (e.g. marketing, design, guest experience), people need to feel inspired and safe — not coerced.

No. 3 — To Develop Emerging Leaders

If you push someone toward growth, they may perform out of fear. If you pull them with trust and belief, they begin to see themselves differently — and grow from the inside out.

The Dangers of Using the Wrong Technique at the Wrong Time

Pushing When You Should Be Pulling

Leaders who over-rely on push:

  • Burn out their teams
  • Breed compliance, not commitment
  • Trigger defensiveness or passive resistance
  • Erode creativity and ownership

Example. A leader pressures their spa team with rigid upsell quotas, ignoring the emotional nuance of guest relationships. Sales dip. Team morale crumbles. Guest experience suffers.

Pulling When You Should Be Pushing

Leaders who over-rely on pull:

  • Create ambiguity
  • Stall decision-making
  • Fail to correct performance issues
  • Allow urgent matters to drift

Example. A team misses multiple project deadlines. The leader, trying to “coach through it,” avoids direct confrontation. Without a firm push, standards collapse further and team respect diminishes.

How Great Leaders Balance Push and Pull

No. 1 — They Read the Room

Great leaders sense when their team is tired, stressed, or disengaged. They adjust their tone accordingly — dialing back the push or reigniting the pull.

Ask yourself. “Does my team need clarity or inspiration right now?”

No. 2 — They Know the Season They’re In

Leadership is contextual. A high-growth startup in sprint mode requires more push. A legacy brand reimagining its identity needs more pull.

Ask yourself. “Are we in a season of execution — or exploration?”

No. 3 — They Communicate the “Why” Before the “What”

Even when pushing, emotionally intelligent leaders anchor direction in shared purpose. They frame urgency within mission. This creates a push that still feels like an invitation.

Say. “Here’s why this matters. Here’s what we need to do. And I believe you’re capable of rising to it.”

No. 4 — They Pull Before They Push

The best leaders start with vision and invitation (pull), then transition to structure and drive (push). This order matters. Without first winning hearts, you’ll always be dragging bodies.

Pull sets the emotional foundation. Push builds the operational momentum.

No. 5 — They Check Their Motives

Sometimes leaders push out of ego: to prove control, to manage their own stress, or to mask insecurity. Great leaders pause and ask:

“Am I leading for them — or trying to manage how I feel?”

Practical Framework: Push vs. Pull Matrix

Influence Is More Than Pressure

Leadership is not about constantly pressing forward. It’s about knowing how to move a group — and when to shift your approach.

Push without pull becomes coercion. Pull without push becomes indecision. But when you master the balance, you create teams that not only move fast — but move with you.

So pause today and ask:

“Where am I pushing where I should be pulling?”

“Where am I pulling when a firm push is overdue?”

Because your ability to adapt not only shapes outcomes — it shapes culture.

And in the end, the best leaders aren’t just good at getting results. They’re wise enough to know how to get there — with people who want to go the distance.