Deep Dives Articles
DEEP DIVES ARTICLE — EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE
Caught in the Web: How Social Media May Be Undermining Our Emotional Intelligence
This is a sneak peek of this week’s Deep Dives article — published today! Become a Deep Dives Member to get access to the full article.
We scroll to connect — but are we actually disconnecting from ourselves and each other? In this eye-opening Deep Dive, we explore how constant digital exposure may be eroding our empathy, dulling our self-awareness, and rewiring the way we interact. If you’ve ever felt more reactive, distracted, or emotionally numb after a day online, this one’s for you. Discover what’s really happening beneath the screen—and how to take your emotional intelligence back. Subscribe to Deep Dives to read the full article.
DEEP DIVES ARTICLE — PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT
Do It or Ditch It: How Skinner’s Law Supercharges Your Personal Growth
This is a sneak peek of this week’s Deep Dives article — published today! Become a Deep Dives Member to get access to the full article.
Stuck in the loop of “someday?” Skinner’s Law offers a brutally simple framework for taking action — and it’s a game changer. In this Deep Dive, we break down how this powerful concept can eliminate indecision, reduce mental clutter, and accelerate your progress in life and work. Whether you’re overwhelmed with to-do lists or avoiding that one big move, this article will help you finally choose: do it — or ditch it. Become a Deep Dives member to unlock the full article.
DEEP DIVES ARTICLE — LEADERSHIP
Flip the Script on Performance: Why You Owe It to Your Team to Evaluate Them Regularly
This is a sneak peek of this week’s Deep Dives article — published today! Become a Deep Dives Member to get access to the full article.
Think performance reviews are outdated, awkward, or just plain unnecessary? Think again. In this Deep Dive, we challenge the conventional view and explore why regular evaluations — when done right — aren’t just about metrics. They’re about growth, trust, and accountability. Discover the mindset shift that turns evaluations from a dreaded chore into one of your most powerful leadership tools. Read the full piece by subscribing to Deep Dives.
Deep Dives Book Summary
This is a sneak peek of this week’s Deep Dives Book Review — published today! Become a Deep Dives Member to get access to the full Book Summary.
What if the secret to less stress, more peace, and deeper self-confidence were just two words: Let them? In this Deep Dive summary, we unpack the viral mindset shift behind The Let Them Theory — a deceptively simple yet powerful approach to handling judgment, control, and other people’s expectations. Whether you’re tired of over-explaining, over-giving, or over-thinking, this book may be the permission slip you’ve been waiting for. Become a Deep Dives member to access the full summary and start letting go — for good.
Quick Reads
quick read — Emotional intelligence
How to Tell If Your Boss Is Emotionally Bankrupt
Let’s be honest — most of us have worked for at least one boss who made us question how they ever got into a leadership position. Not because they were bad at the technical stuff, but because interacting with them felt like trying to emotionally connect with a rock. No empathy, no warmth, no acknowledgment of your effort. Just cold efficiency — or worse, outright toxicity.
That, my friend, is what it’s like to work for someone who is emotionally bankrupt.
It’s a strong phrase, but an accurate one. An emotionally bankrupt boss is not just someone having a bad day or going through a stressful quarter. It’s someone whose emotional capacity — empathy, compassion, self-awareness, and emotional intelligence — is running on fumes. And when someone like that is in charge, the ripple effects can poison an entire team or company culture.
Key Signs to Tell If Your Boss Is Emotionally Bankrupt
No. 1 — They Lack Empathy
Empathy is the cornerstone of emotionally intelligent leadership. It helps a manager understand when someone on their team is struggling or needs support — not just push harder for results.
If your boss consistently dismisses your emotions, brushes off your concerns, or seems visibly uncomfortable when conversations get even a little personal, that’s a major red flag. You might hear things like:
- “You’re too sensitive.”
- “This is just business.”
- “I don’t have time for drama.”
Translation? Your emotions are inconvenient, and they don’t care.
No. 2 — They Never Say Thank You
Gratitude is free, but some leaders act like they need to hoard it.
If your boss rarely acknowledges your effort, never celebrates wins, and doesn’t offer a simple “thank you” after late nights or going the extra mile, it says a lot. Emotionally bankrupt bosses tend to see people as tools to get things done — not as human beings with needs and feelings.
Over time, this lack of appreciation can be demoralizing, leading to burnout and resentment.
No. 3 — They Take Credit, Avoid Blame
An emotionally healthy leader shares the spotlight and takes responsibility when things go south.
An emotionally bankrupt boss does the opposite. When a project succeeds, it’s their leadership that makes it happen. When it fails? It’s your fault, or someone else’s. They dodge accountability like it’s their full-time job.
This not only erodes trust, it also creates a culture of fear and self-protection — where no one feels safe owning up to mistakes or trying new things.
No. 4 — They React Instead of Responding
Here’s a classic sign: When stress hits, do they explode or go silent?
Emotionally intelligent leaders know how to regulate their emotions. Emotionally bankrupt bosses, not so much. They might:
- Snap at team members during meetings
- Send aggressive emails when they’re under pressure
- Disappear when things get tough, leaving the team to scramble
Their emotional reactions are unpredictable, and people around them start walking on eggshells. This volatility makes it hard to trust them or feel psychologically safe in the workplace.
No. 5 — They Struggle With Boundaries — Yours and Theirs
You send a message after hours. It could’ve waited. They respond immediately, expecting the same from you.
Or maybe you set a boundary — say, you need to leave at 5:30 to pick up your kid — and they keep scheduling “quick” calls at 5:25. Over time, they make you feel guilty for having a life outside of work.
Emotionally bankrupt bosses often have poor boundaries, which leads them to disrespect yours. That’s not high performance — it’s unhealthy and unsustainable.
No. 6 — They Don’t Listen—They Wait to Talk
Ever been in a 1:1 where your boss asks how you’re doing, then immediately pivots to their agenda? That’s not listening. That’s performance.
One of the most subtle signs of emotional bankruptcy is a boss who hears but doesn’t listen. They’re already thinking about what they want to say or what you need to fix, rather than being present with you in the moment.
It’s exhausting. And it tells you exactly where you stand on their priority list.
No. 7 — They Use Fear as a Motivator
Rather than inspiring you with vision or empowering you to grow, they use fear to get results: threats, ultimatums, public shaming, or constantly reminding you that you’re replaceable.
This is emotional manipulation masquerading as “tough leadership.” And while it may yield short-term results, it destroys morale and creativity in the long run.
Leaders who lack emotional capacity often resort to control instead of connection. But fear doesn’t foster loyalty—it breeds disengagement.
No. 8 — They Don’t Grow—or Let You Grow
The irony of emotionally bankrupt bosses is that they often think they’re the smartest person in the room. But they’re emotionally stuck—and because of that, they resist feedback, avoid introspection, and view personal development as fluff.
Worse, they may actively block your growth too. Whether it’s withholding opportunities, micromanaging your work, or refusing to advocate for your promotion, their lack of emotional maturity often turns into a power struggle.
Why? Because your growth threatens their insecurity.
What You Can Do About It
If you’re reading this and nodding a little too hard, here’s what you don’t need to do: fix them. That’s not your job. Emotional bankruptcy is not something you can coach your boss out of — especially if they’re not self-aware enough to know it’s an issue.
But here’s what you can do:
- Protect your energy. Set clear emotional and time boundaries.
- Document everything. If they lash out or cross lines, keep records.
- Find allies. Seek support from HR, mentors, or trusted colleagues.
- Make an exit plan. If the environment is toxic and there’s no sign of change, start exploring other opportunities. You deserve better.
And remember: their emotional limitations are not a reflection of your worth.
The Bottom Line
Emotionally bankrupt bosses aren’t just difficult—they’re dangerous. Not in a dramatic, headline-making way, but in a slow, draining, soul-eroding way that leaves talented people feeling small, unseen, and undervalued.
But now that you know the signs, you can make informed choices. Whether it’s setting boundaries, building resilience, or finding your way to a healthier workplace, you’re no longer in the dark.
You see them for who they are — and more importantly, you remember who you are.
Capable. Valuable. And worthy of emotionally intelligent leadership.
quick read — Personal development
Your Only Real Competition Is You
We live in a world that’s obsessed with competition.
From grade school to the workplace, from sports fields to social media feeds, we’re constantly measuring ourselves against others. Who has more? Who’s doing better? Who’s ahead?
It’s easy to fall into the trap of comparison. You see someone with the dream job, the perfect body, the thriving business, the house, the followers — and suddenly, your own progress feels small. Like you’re behind. Like you’re not doing enough.
But here’s the truth most people miss:
Your only real competition is you.
Not the influencer online. Not your colleague. Not your neighbor. Not your high school classmate who now owns a startup and drinks matcha lattes in Bali.
Just you.
Let’s Unpack What That Actually Means
How embracing this mindset can radically change the way you approach growth, success, and fulfillment.
No. 1 — The Comparison Trap Is a Losing Game
First, let’s acknowledge the obvious: competition can be motivating. Sometimes, seeing someone else do well lights a fire under you. You think, “If they can do it, so can I.”
That’s great — until it turns toxic.
When comparison becomes constant, it stops being inspiring and starts being paralyzing. You feel like you’re never enough. You discount your own wins. You start chasing someone else’s definition of success.
But here’s the thing: you’re comparing your behind-the-scenes to someone else’s highlight reel. You don’t see their doubts, sacrifices, or breakdowns — just the curated version. And even if you could see it all, their path is not your path.
You have different strengths, experiences, values, and timing. Competing with someone who isn’t you is like running a race on a track that was never meant for your feet.
No. 2 — Self-Competition Is Where Growth Lives
When you shift from comparing yourself to others to competing with your past self, everything changes.
Instead of asking:
- “Am I better than them?” You ask:
- “Am I better than I was yesterday?”
Now the goal isn’t to beat someone else — it’s to become the next, truer version of you.
That means:
- Working on your craft, not because someone else is better, but because you can be sharper.
- Getting fitter, not to outshine someone at the gym, but because you want to feel stronger.
- Building your business, not to impress, but to fulfill the vision you believe in.
Progress becomes personal. Purposeful. And a lot more sustainable.
No. 3 —Define Success on Your Terms
One of the sneakiest traps of external competition is that it pressures you to chase goals that aren’t even yours.
You see someone crushing it in a certain industry and think, Maybe I should pivot. You see someone buying a house and think, Maybe I should do that too. You see someone working 80-hour weeks and think, I’m not working hard enough.
Pause.
Is that really your dream—or did you borrow it?
When you compete with yourself, you get clear on your values. Your priorities. Your metrics of success.
Maybe your version of winning is:
- More peace in your day
- More depth in your relationships
- More alignment between what you say and what you do
Whatever it is, let that be the scoreboard. Not someone else’s checklist.
No. 4 — Your Growth Is Your Edge
In a world where people are chasing clout, comparison, and approval, personal growth is a secret weapon.
Why?
Because most people are too busy looking sideways. They’re watching other people’s moves instead of refining their own. They’re seeking validation instead of mastery.
But when you commit to becoming just 1% better every day—focusing on your mindset, your habits, your work, your health—something incredible happens: you compound.
That version of you six months from now? They’re smarter. Calmer. Clearer. More effective. And they didn’t get there by beating someone else — they got there by showing up for themselves every single day.
No. 5 — Comparison Fuels Ego—Self-Competition Fuels Identity
Here’s the deeper truth: when you compete with others, your ego is in the driver’s seat.
You want to look good. Win the argument. Prove you’re right. Be the best.
But when you compete with yourself, your identity starts to evolve. You focus on becoming someone with character. With integrity. With discipline.
Your ego wants to win today. Your identity wants to win for life.
Which are you feeding?
No. 6 — The Only Person You’re Truly Racing Is the You Who Gave Up
Let’s be real: most of us don’t quit because someone else is ahead — we quit because we get discouraged by our own slow progress. Or our own fear. Or our own self-doubt.
So when you feel like giving up, remember: you’re not trying to beat anyone but the version of you who chose comfort over courage.
That’s the real competition:
- Will I push through the hard stuff, or will I shrink?
- Will I stay consistent, or will I coast?
- Will I stay aligned with who I want to become — or settle for who I used to be?
Every decision is a fork in the road. And every fork is a chance to choose growth.
No. 7 — How to Compete With Yourself Daily
If you’re ready to shift from external to internal competition, here are a few practical ways to do it:
- Track your wins. At the end of each day or week, ask: What did I do better than last time? Where did I show up more fully?
- Reflect often. Use journaling, voice notes, or quiet time to ask: What’s working? What’s not? Who am I becoming?
- Celebrate progress. Even if it’s tiny. The key to staying in the game is noticing how far you’ve come.
- Set personal challenges. Forget trying to “beat” someone — challenge yourself. Run farther, write more, speak up in that meeting, and take the risk you’ve been avoiding.
- Stay in your lane. When you catch yourself scrolling, comparing, or spiraling — pause. Breathe. Remember your path is uniquely yours.
The Bottom Line
Life’s not a race to the top — it’s a journey inward.
You don’t need to outperform anyone to be successful. You just need to outgrow the version of you who wasn’t ready, wasn’t equipped, or didn’t believe yet.
Compete with that version. Root for that version. Thank that version for getting you here — and then, keep going.
Your real competition isn’t out there. It’s in the mirror.
And the best part? You get to win every single day — by showing up, doing the work, and becoming more of who you were always meant to be.
quick read — LEADERSHIP
Leading People Who Don’t Want to Be Led
Let’s get real for a minute—some people just don’t want to be led. It’s not that they’re bad employees. In fact, some are brilliant. Smart, skilled, independent thinkers. But when it comes to leadership? They resist it, avoid it, or outright reject it.
And if you’re in a leadership role, that can be maddening. You’re trying to create structure, build alignment, and move things forward… but it feels like herding cats with opinions and strong WiFi.
So, how do you lead people who don’t want to be led?
The answer isn’t force. It’s influence. It’s understanding. And most of all, it’s adaptability. Here’s how to approach this challenge like the kind of leader people might actually choose to follow — even the ones who don’t think they need one.
How to Lead People with Influence, Understanding and Adaptability
No. 1 — Understand Why They Resist Leadership
Before you can lead anyone effectively, you need to understand what’s driving their resistance. Not everyone avoids leadership for the same reason.
Some possibilities:
- They’ve had bad experiences with past leaders. Micromanagers. Narcissists. Incompetence masked as authority. A history of bad leadership can leave people skeptical.
- They value autonomy. Some people pride themselves on independence and see leadership as interference rather than support.
- They think they’re more qualified than you. Whether it’s true or not, ego can get in the way.
- They associate leadership with control. They fear being boxed in, slowed down, or manipulated.
Recognizing their why helps you avoid taking it personally and start leading in a way that speaks to their core motivations.
No. 2 — Lead With Curiosity, Not Control
Resistant people can sniff out control from a mile away — and they’ll bolt, shut down, or fight back.
Instead of asserting authority, try approaching them with curiosity. Ask questions like:
- “How do you prefer to work?”
- “What support looks helpful to you right now?”
- “What do you need from leadership to thrive?”
When you lead with questions, you open up space for dialogue—and signal that leadership isn’t about dominance. It’s about partnership.
People who don’t want to be led often do want to be heard. So listen—deeply.
No. 3 — Influence Through Vision, Not Orders
Command-and-control doesn’t work on people who reject authority. What does work? Inspiration.
If you want buy-in, you need to paint a picture of what’s possible—something compelling enough that they want to be part of it.
Instead of saying, “Here’s what we’re doing,” try, “Here’s where we’re going and why it matters. I’d love your perspective on how we get there.”
When people feel invited into a vision, they’re more likely to engage. Influence comes not from telling people what to do, but showing them something worth doing.
No. 4 — Respect Their Expertise
This is huge. A lot of resistance comes from people feeling like their intelligence or autonomy isn’t being respected.
So, respect it.
Acknowledge their strengths openly. Say things like:
- “You have a lot of experience in this area—how would you approach it?”
- “I trust your judgment here. Run with it.”
Let them lead within their lane. Let them feel ownership.
The more you affirm their competence, the less threatened they’ll feel by your role—and the more open they’ll be to your guidance.
No. 5 — Be Steady, Not Reactive
Resistant people often test boundaries. Not maliciously—but to see what kind of leader you are.
Do you panic under pressure? Do you retaliate when challenged? Do you take things personally?
You can’t lead the unleadable if you’re easily rattled. Emotional steadiness is your secret weapon. It builds trust—especially with people who are skeptical of authority.
When they push, don’t push back. Stay grounded. Stay consistent. Let them see that you’re not there to control them—you’re there to support results. Period.
No. 6 — Shift From Managing Tasks to Managing Energy
People who resist leadership often hate being micromanaged—but they’ll respond well to leaders who help them stay energized, focused, and aligned.
So shift the conversation from “What are you doing?” to:
- “What’s working well for you right now?”
- “Where are you stuck?”
- “Where can I clear roadblocks or advocate for you?”
That shift—from managing tasks to supporting momentum—can transform how people experience your leadership.
You’re no longer a roadblock. You’re a catalyst.
No. 7 — Be Transparent and Real
Authenticity goes a long way—especially with people who are naturally skeptical of authority. Don’t try to impress them with titles or buzzwords. Don’t pretend to know everything. Don’t hide behind corporate speak.
Just be real.
- Own your mistakes.
- Share what you’re learning.
- Admit when you don’t have the answer.
When people see that you’re a human first and a boss second, their defenses come down. They may not want to be led—but they can get behind a leader who’s honest, humble, and human.
No. 8 — Set Boundaries With Clarity and Compassion
Let’s be clear—leading with empathy doesn’t mean being a pushover. Some people will take resistance too far, creating disruption or undermining the team.
That’s where boundaries come in.
Be clear about expectations. Be firm about what behaviors won’t fly. But do it with compassion.
Say things like:
- “I value your independence, but collaboration is non-negotiable.”
- “I respect your viewpoint, and we still need to align on a direction.”
- “I’m open to feedback, but I won’t tolerate disrespect.”
Boundaries are not about control—they’re about clarity. And clear boundaries create safer, healthier teams.
No. 9 — Know When to Let Go
Not everyone will come around. And that’s okay.
If someone is chronically toxic, undermines the team, or refuses to engage with any form of leadership—it may be time to move on. Not every battle is worth fighting.
But here’s the key: don’t let one person pull you out of your leadership values. Stay kind. Stay clear. Let them go, if needed—but don’t let them harden you.
Some people don’t want to be led. That’s not your fault. But your job is to lead anyway—with integrity, wisdom, and grace.
The Bottom Line
Leading people who don’t want to be led is one of the hardest—and most growth-inducing—challenges a leader can face.
It tests your patience, your emotional intelligence, and your ability to lead through influence instead of authority.
But it also teaches you how to show up more human. How to lead with less ego and more empathy. How to build trust instead of demanding compliance.
And that’s the kind of leadership the world needs more of.
Because when you lead the unleadable well—you become the kind of leader everyone wants to follow.
Quotes of the Week
QUOTE — EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE
QUOTE — PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT
QUOTE — LEADERSHIP
Reframe
Fired Before You Fire: Why Every Leader Needs to Feel It First”
There’s a moment every leader dreads. The meeting is scheduled. The words are prepared. The decision is final.
You’re about to fire someone.
No matter how professionally you deliver it or how necessary it may be, firing another human being is not just a management action—it’s an emotional transaction. And if you’ve never been on the receiving end of it, there’s a good chance you don’t fully grasp the emotional cost you’re asking someone else to pay.
That’s why I believe this:
Every leader should be fired—at least once—before they ever fire someone else.
Not because we want leaders to fail. But because until you’ve felt it—deep in your gut, in your identity, in your self-worth—it’s almost impossible to carry out that responsibility with the level of empathy it truly deserves.
Let’s talk about why.
The Emotional Tsunami of Being Fired
Getting fired isn’t just losing a job. It’s losing structure. Identity. Security. A sense of belonging. It can trigger shame, fear, confusion, and grief—all in one punch to the chest.
If you’ve never experienced it, it might be tempting to compartmentalize the process. To treat it like a clean break. A professional decision. A transaction.
But it’s not. It’s personal. Even when it’s not personal.
Most people’s sense of worth is deeply tied to what they do. So being let go, even for understandable business reasons, can feel like being erased. Like being deemed not enough.
And if you’ve never sat on the other side of that table—felt the adrenaline, the shame spiral, the long silent car ride home—it’s far too easy to minimize what it means to fire someone.
The Danger of Emotional Detachment
Now, let’s be clear: firing people is sometimes necessary. Companies shift. Roles change. Standards matter. Not every team member is a fit forever. Leaders must make tough calls.
But when firing becomes routine… when it becomes purely procedural… when it’s delivered without eye contact or empathy… something critical breaks down.
We lose our humanity.
We become emotionally detached. Not because we’re cruel — but because it’s easier than sitting with someone else’s pain. It’s easier to hide behind policy, performance metrics, or phrases like, “It’s just business.”
But leadership is never just business. It’s always personal. Or at least, it should be.
Why You Need to Be Fired First
So why should every leader experience being fired—at least once?
Because it resets your empathy. Because it humbles you. Because it teaches you how deep the emotional impact goes—even when it’s “done right.”
When you’ve been fired, you’ll remember how the floor dropped out from under you. You’ll remember the questions that kept you up at night: Am I replaceable? Did I matter? What do I do now?
And with that memory burned into your bones, you’ll never fire someone casually again.
Instead, you’ll show up with compassion. You’ll hold space for their emotions. You’ll go the extra mile to preserve their dignity. You’ll deliver the hard truth with softness—not avoidance, not cruelty, but care.
And in doing so, you become the kind of leader people can trust—even in the hardest moments.
Reframing the Firing Process
We need to reframe what it means to fire someone. Not as punishment. Not as rejection. But as redirection. As a turning point. As a leadership responsibility that demands emotional intelligence.
Here’s how that shift can look:
No. 1 — See the Human, Not Just the Role
Before the meeting, take time to reflect: Who is this person outside of this job? What did they bring to the table? Where did they try? What might they be feeling?
Your job is to recognize the whole person, not just the failing performance.
No. 2 — Be Clear, But Compassionate
Don’t sugarcoat or overexplain. Clarity is kindness. But pair it with empathy. Acknowledge how difficult this moment is—for them and for you. Let them feel seen.
No. 3 — Honor Their Contribution
Even if the role didn’t work out, chances are, they gave their time, effort, and energy to your team. Say thank you. Not in a scripted way, but in a sincere one.
No. 4 — Offer a Bridge, Not Just a Door
If possible, help them land somewhere else. Provide a reference. Make an introduction. Even small gestures can make the fall feel less lonely—and they’ll remember that far more than your final words.
When Leaders Become Emotionally Bankrupt
If you lose the ability to feel the weight of firing someone, that’s not strength. That’s a sign you’ve become emotionally bankrupt.
And emotional bankruptcy in leadership is dangerous. It breeds cold decisions. Culture erosion. Fear-based teams.
You might still get results. But at what cost?
When we detach from our own humanity to execute tough decisions, we start to lose the very qualities that make leadership meaningful: empathy, connection, and integrity.
Being fired — at least once — can be the antidote. It softens you. Not into weakness, but into wisdom.
Final Thoughts: Leading With Empathy, Even in Goodbye
Let’s be honest: firing someone will never feel good. It’s not supposed to. But it can be done with compassion. And that starts by remembering what it feels like to be on the other side.
So if you’ve been fired before, don’t bury it — carry it. Let it inform how you lead. Let it shape how you speak truth, hold space, and honor dignity.
And if you haven’t? Ask yourself how you might show up differently if you had.
Because the mark of a great leader isn’t how well they celebrate wins. It’s how gracefully they handle goodbyes.
Call to Action
Leadership doesn’t require perfection — it requires presence. Especially in the hardest moments. If we lead with empathy, even endings can be transformative.