Emotional Intelligence Series
Life has a way of throwing unexpected challenges our way. Whether it’s a career setback, a personal loss, or a major life change, adversity is part of the journey. And while we often think that resilience – the ability to bounce back from tough situations – is a rare trait reserved for the toughest among us, science suggests that we’re all much more resilient than we give ourselves credit for. With the right mental strategies, even the most difficult obstacles can become stepping stones to growth.
Here’s what science says about how emotionally intelligent people approach adversity and how you can apply these strategies to become more resilient in your own life.
Resilience: Why It Matters
No path to success is ever straight, and no plan is ever perfect. Life’s inevitable ups and downs mean that resilience isn’t just useful; it’s essential. Whether you’re building a business, pursuing a personal goal, or working on self-improvement, you’ll need to handle criticism, face failure, and push through difficult times.
As Steve Jobs once said, perseverance is often what separates those who succeed from those who don’t. “I’m convinced that about half of what separates successful entrepreneurs from the non-successful ones is pure perseverance,” he said. “There are such rough moments that most people give up.” But Jobs knew something many people overlook: resilience is not a rare trait. In fact, a substantial body of research shows that resilience is actually a common response to adversity.
The Science of Resilience
A review of over 50 studies published in Clinical Science Review explored how people respond to traumatic events and major life stressors. Researchers identified four primary responses:
Resilience. Maintaining healthy functioning despite the stressor.
Recovery. Initially experiencing distress, but bouncing back over time. Chronic
Stress. Continually experiencing stress over an extended period.
Delayed Onset. Stress that appears later, rather than immediately following the event.
The findings are surprising. Delayed onset and chronic stress were relatively rare, only affecting 9% and 11% of participants, respectively. Recovery was somewhat common, occurring in 21% of cases. But the majority of people—66%—displayed resilience, maintaining healthy functioning even in the face of adversity.
Psychologist and author Adam Grant sums it up well: “The most common response to adversity is not chronic stress. It’s resilience.” This means most of us are wired to bounce back, even if it doesn’t always feel that way. But if resilience is so common, how can we actively cultivate it?
The Key Lies In Two Powerful Mental Strategies — Framing and Re-framing
Strategy No. 1 — Framing: Choosing to See Stress as Helpful
One of the most powerful ways to build resilience is by changing the way we view stress itself. Instead of seeing stress as something harmful, resilient people view their body’s stress response as helpful—a natural reaction that prepares them to tackle challenges.
A study published in the Journal of Experimental Psychology found that people who saw their stress response—things like a faster heart rate or quicker breathing—as beneficial experienced fewer negative effects. They still felt stressed, but they reframed it as their body’s way of rising to the occasion.
This simple shift in perspective can make a huge difference in how we experience and handle stress. Imagine you’re about to give a big presentation. You feel your heart rate increase, your hands may even get a little sweaty. Instead of seeing this as a sign of nervousness or fear, you can frame it as your body’s way of preparing to perform at its best. This shift not only reduces anxiety but also empowers you to handle the situation with confidence.
Strategy No. 2 — Re-framing: Seeing Challenges as Choices
Resilient people also excel at re-framing challenges, especially by viewing them as choices rather than burdens. This mindset gives a sense of control and agency, which are essential for resilience.
A study published in the Journal of Pain found that people who used “adaptive coping strategies”—viewing stress as something they chose rather than something happening to them—were significantly more likely to stick with their goals, even in tough times. For example, entrepreneurs who start their own businesses know they’re taking on a challenging journey. They may face long hours, financial uncertainty, and countless setbacks. But because they see these challenges as part of a journey they chose, they’re more likely to persist.
This framing shifts their mindset from “I have to endure this” to “I chose this path, and I’m willing to face the obstacles that come with it.” Conversely, those who use “maladaptive coping strategies”—seeing stress as something they didn’t choose or viewing discomfort as a sign to stop—are much more likely to give up when things get tough. In fact, the study found that a single instance of a maladaptive coping strategy tripled the likelihood that a person would quit.
The takeaway? Seeing challenges as a part of a chosen path can significantly increase resilience. When you feel overwhelmed, remind yourself that you’ve chosen to pursue this goal. Even when things get hard, you can frame the struggle as a stepping stone to the success you’re working toward.
Learning to Manage Stress for Long-Term Happiness
When you choose to tackle challenges, your brain actually thrives. A study in the Journal of Neuroscience found that our brains respond positively when we actively engage in overcoming obstacles. Working hard to conquer a difficulty, especially when we see it as a choice, activates parts of our brain associated with learning and satisfaction. This approach doesn’t just make you more resilient; it also makes you happier.
Research published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that a strong sense of autonomy—the feeling that your life’s direction and activities are self-chosen—is one of the biggest contributors to happiness. According to the researchers, “Having a strong sense of controlling one’s life is a more dependable predictor of positive feelings of well-being than any of the objective conditions of life we have considered.” In other words, resilience isn’t just about “toughing it out.” It’s about viewing challenges as opportunities for growth and actively choosing to face them, which brings a deeper sense of satisfaction and fulfillment.
Putting It All Together — Practical Tips for Resilience
The next time you’re facing a tough challenge, try these steps:
Frame the Situation. Recognize that your body’s stress response is natural and helpful. When you feel anxious, remind yourself that this is your body preparing to meet the challenge.
Re-frame the Challenge as a Choice. Instead of seeing a difficult situation as something forced upon you, view it as part of a path you chose. This gives you a sense of control and can make the challenge feel more manageable.
Focus on Growth. Every setback is an opportunity to learn something new. Even if you don’t achieve the outcome you wanted, you’re building resilience and learning skills that will benefit you in the future.
Final Thoughts
Resilience isn’t just about enduring difficult situations; it’s about choosing to view them in ways that empower you. By framing stress as helpful and re-framing challenges as choices, you can build a mindset that not only helps you handle adversity but also contributes to long-term happiness and fulfillment.
So the next time life throws you a curveball, remember: You’ve survived every storm up to this point, and you’re more capable than you think. With the right mindset, you can turn obstacles into opportunities and setbacks into stepping stones. Resilience is within reach—all it takes is a mental shift.
