Quick Reads
quick read — Emotional intelligence
8 Signs You Have Higher Emotional Intelligence Than the Average Person
Emotional intelligence (often referred to as EQ) is about working with your emotions rather than fighting them. Unlike traditional intelligence (IQ), which deals with logic and reasoning, EQ is the ability to understand and manage emotions—both your own and others’. People with high emotional intelligence tend to be better at navigating life’s challenges, building strong relationships, and making thoughtful decisions under pressure. But how do you know if you have high EQ?
Here are eight signs that you may have higher emotional intelligence than the average person, according to psychology.
No. 1 — You See Emotions as Messengers, Not Threats
Many people see emotions like anger, sadness, fear, or jealousy as “negative” or bad. The assumption is that if an emotion feels bad, it must be bad. However, emotionally intelligent people know that emotions are not inherently good or bad—they are simply messengers delivering important information.
Think of it this way: you wouldn’t get mad at a mail carrier for delivering bad news, right? Emotions work in the same way. They are trying to tell you something. For example, anger might be signaling that an injustice has occurred, while sadness might indicate the need for healing. People with high EQ don’t shoot the messenger. Instead, they pay attention to what their emotions are trying to communicate, using them as tools for self-reflection and growth.
No. 2 — You Listen to Your Emotions, But Don’t Always Trust Them
Just because emotions give you information doesn’t mean that information is always accurate or helpful. Emotions can be influenced by many factors—fatigue, stress, or even something as simple as hunger. A person with high emotional intelligence knows how to listen to their emotions without blindly trusting them.
For example, if you’re feeling angry after someone cuts in front of you in line, your initial emotional response might be to lash out. But emotionally intelligent people pause and ask themselves: Is this reaction helpful? By doing so, they separate emotional impulses from rational actions, allowing them to respond in a way that aligns with their values rather than reacting impulsively.
No. 3 — You Talk About Your Emotions Clearly and Directly
Most people struggle to talk about their feelings, often resorting to vague descriptions like, “I’m stressed” or “I’m irritated.” This is a way of intellectualizing emotions—using abstract language to create distance from feelings that are uncomfortable to confront.
Emotionally intelligent people, on the other hand, express their feelings in clear, simple language. They don’t say, “I’m stressed” when they’re actually feeling afraid or overwhelmed. Instead, they say things like, “I’m feeling sad” or “I’m really mad right now.” Being able to label emotions accurately is a sign of high emotional intelligence because it requires both awareness and acceptance of what you’re feeling.
If you want to improve your EQ, start by practicing plain, straightforward descriptions of your feelings. Next time someone asks you how you’re feeling, try responding as a 6-year-old might: “I feel mad,” “I feel sad,” or “I’m scared.”
No. 4 — You Can Distinguish Between Thoughts and Emotions
It’s easy to assume that emotions hit us out of nowhere—like a wave crashing onto the shore. But in reality, emotions are often triggered by thoughts, even if those thoughts are subtle or unconscious.
Emotionally intelligent people are skilled at recognizing the thought patterns that drive their emotional reactions. For instance, someone with high EQ knows that their anxiety stems from overthinking or worrying about worst-case scenarios. They understand that their feelings of guilt are often linked to perfectionism or unrealistic self-criticism.
By identifying the thoughts that generate emotions, you gain more control over your emotional responses. While you can’t directly control your feelings, you can manage your thoughts—and by doing so, influence how you feel.
No. 5 — You Feel Your Emotions Physically
Emotions aren’t just mental; they also manifest physically. Anger might show up as tightness in your chest or heat in your face, while anxiety could make your stomach churn or your hands tremble. Emotionally intelligent people are in tune with these physical sensations.
One study even found that different emotions are linked to specific physical sensations in the body. People with high EQ recognize these sensations and are comfortable sitting with them, even when they are unpleasant. Instead of avoiding their emotions, they feel them fully and process them.
If you want to improve your emotional intelligence, start paying attention to the physical sensations that accompany your emotions. Learning to recognize these sensations can help you understand and manage your feelings better.
No. 6 — You Validate Your Emotions Without Judgment
It’s natural to want to escape uncomfortable emotions like grief, anxiety, or frustration. But people with high EQ understand that running away from feelings only makes them worse in the long run.
Instead of trying to suppress or eliminate painful emotions, emotionally intelligent people validate them. They acknowledge their feelings without judging themselves for having them. They might say to themselves, “It’s okay to feel sad right now,” or “This anxiety is difficult, but it’s valid.”
By validating emotions rather than fighting them, people with high EQ create space for their feelings to exist. This approach helps them process emotions more effectively, preventing negative feelings from festering or growing out of control.
No. 7 — You Understand That You Can’t Control Emotions, Only Your Reactions
One of the most significant misconceptions about emotions is the belief that we should be able to control them. People often think, I shouldn’t feel this way or I should just get over it. But emotions don’t work like that. There’s no magic switch you can flip to feel happy instead of sad, or calm instead of angry.
Emotionally intelligent people understand that emotions are not directly controllable. Instead of wasting energy trying to change how they feel, they focus on what they can control: their actions.
For example, if someone with high EQ feels anxious before a big presentation, they don’t try to suppress their anxiety. Instead, they accept it and focus on preparing as thoroughly as possible. They understand that while they can’t make the anxiety disappear, they can take actions that help them manage it.
No. 8 — You Are Compassionate Toward Other People’s Emotions
How you respond to other people’s emotions is just as important as how you handle your own. People with low emotional intelligence often feel uncomfortable around others’ painful emotions. They may try to fix the problem or change the subject when someone expresses sadness, anger, or fear.
Emotionally intelligent people take a different approach. They don’t shy away from difficult emotions in others. Instead, they offer validation and compassion. They might say, “It sounds like you’re really going through a tough time,” or “I’m here if you need to talk.” They understand that sometimes, the best thing you can do for someone is simply to listen and be present.
By being compassionate and nonjudgmental toward others’ emotions, people with high EQ build stronger, more supportive relationships.
Final Thoughts — Cultivating Emotional Intelligence
Emotional intelligence is more than just a buzzword—it’s a critical skill that can transform how you interact with yourself and others. People with high EQ listen to their emotions, validate them without judgment, and make decisions based on thoughtful reflection rather than impulsive reactions. And the good news? Emotional intelligence isn’t fixed. With practice and self-awareness, you can improve your EQ and become more adept at handling life’s emotional ups and downs.
So, the next time you’re faced with a difficult emotion, ask yourself: Am I listening to this emotion, or am I letting it control me? By focusing on emotional intelligence, you’ll not only improve your personal well-being but also enhance your relationships and overall quality of life.
quick read — Personal development
🔄 The Circles of Influence, Concern, and Control: Focus on What Truly Matters 🔄
In both our personal and professional lives, we often get overwhelmed by things that are out of our control. But how do we stay effective and grounded in the face of these challenges?
🔍 Stephen Covey’s model of the Circles of Concern, Influence, and Control is a simple yet powerful framework that helps us refocus our energy on what we can actually impact.
🔴 Circle of Concern.
This includes everything that we care about—world events, other people’s opinions, economic conditions, etc. The key here? Most of these things are out of our direct control.
🟡 Circle of Influence.
These are the areas where we have some degree of control, but not total. These are situations or people we can influence through actions, conversations, and behavior.
🟢 Circle of Control.
This is where we have 100% control: our attitudes, reactions, decisions, and mindset. By focusing on what’s within this circle, we can make meaningful progress without wasting energy on things we can’t change.
💡 The Takeaway?
Instead of stressing over the uncontrollable (Circle of Concern), focus on expanding your Circle of Influence and mastering your Circle of Control. This shift will not only reduce stress but also increase productivity and fulfillment.
quick read — LEADERSHIP
The Difference Between Micromanaging and Empowering: How Leaders Can Foster Growth
In the realm of leadership, the fine line between micromanaging and empowering can drastically affect team dynamics, morale, and productivity. Both leadership styles influence how employees feel about their work, their capabilities, and their potential for growth. While micromanaging can stifle creativity and breed resentment, empowering leadership inspires confidence, autonomy, and a sense of ownership among team members.
So, what separates micromanaging from empowering? Let’s explore the key differences and how leaders can shift their approach to build empowered, high-performing teams.
What is Micromanaging?
Micromanaging refers to a leadership style where a manager or leader closely controls and monitors every small detail of their team’s work. They may assign tasks, then constantly follow up, provide overly specific instructions, and expect things to be done exactly their way. Micromanagers often fail to delegate effectively and believe that only they can do the work correctly.
While micromanaging might stem from a desire to ensure quality or efficiency, it ultimately sends the message that the leader doesn’t trust their team. Employees who are micromanaged may feel suffocated, discouraged from taking initiative, and ultimately, their job satisfaction and productivity can suffer.
Signs of Micromanaging.
No. 1 — Constantly checking in on tasks and progress.
No. 2 — Providing excessively detailed instructions, leaving no room for creativity.
No. 3 — Requiring employees to seek approval for even minor decisions.
No. 4 — Taking over tasks when things don’t go exactly as planned.
No. 5 — Correcting every small error instead of allowing room for learning.
What is Empowering Leadership?
In contrast, empowering leadership focuses on trust, autonomy, and growth. Empowering leaders delegate tasks and responsibilities, allowing team members to make their own decisions and learn from their experiences. Rather than controlling every aspect of their team’s work, they provide guidance, support, and resources to help individuals succeed. Empowering leaders build a culture of trust, where employees feel valued and capable.
By fostering an environment of empowerment, leaders encourage creativity, innovation, and personal accountability. Team members who feel empowered are more likely to take ownership of their work, contribute new ideas, and actively seek out opportunities to improve.
Signs of Empowering Leadership.
No. 1 — Delegating tasks with clear objectives, but allowing flexibility in how they’re achieved.
No. 2 — Trusting employees to make decisions within their areas of responsibility.
No. 3 — Offering guidance and support without micromanaging.
No. 4 — Encouraging employees to develop new skills and take initiative.
No. 5 — Celebrating successes and learning from mistakes without excessive blame.
The Impact of Micromanaging vs. Empowering
Micromanaging. Micromanaging has far-reaching consequences, often leading to dissatisfaction and frustration among team members. When employees feel their every move is scrutinized, they become less likely to take initiative or think creatively. Over time, this stifles innovation and reduces overall productivity. Moreover, constant control can lead to burnout, with employees feeling overwhelmed by the pressure of trying to meet unattainable standards.
A micromanaged team may also suffer from high turnover, as employees leave for environments where they feel trusted and supported. When leaders focus on controlling every detail, it erodes trust, making it difficult for employees to develop a sense of ownership over their work.
Empowering. Empowering leadership, on the other hand, has the opposite effect. Employees who feel empowered are more likely to be engaged, motivated, and committed to their work. When leaders trust their teams to make decisions and offer autonomy, team members rise to the challenge, taking ownership of their responsibilities and producing higher-quality work.
Empowerment encourages creativity and problem-solving, as employees feel free to try new approaches and explore innovative solutions. The sense of trust between leader and team fosters a positive work environment, reducing stress and increasing job satisfaction. Empowered teams are also more resilient and adaptable, able to handle challenges with confidence and autonomy.
Moving from Micromanaging to Empowering
If you’re a leader who tends to micromanage, it’s not too late to adjust your approach. Here’s how you can start transitioning to an empowering leadership style:
Trust Your Team. Trust is the foundation of empowerment. Start by acknowledging that your team members are capable and skilled. Trust them to do their jobs without constant supervision.
Delegate Effectively. Delegate tasks based on strengths and allow employees the freedom to approach them in their own way. Be clear about the end goal, but give flexibility in how they reach it.
Provide Guidance, Not Control.Rather than controlling every step, provide support when necessary. Offer advice and resources, but step back and let your team take ownership.
Encourage Decision-Making. Allow your team members to make decisions within their areas of expertise. Empowering them to take the lead builds confidence and fosters a sense of ownership.
Celebrate Initiative. When team members take initiative, acknowledge and celebrate their efforts. This reinforces the behavior and encourages others to do the same.
Foster a Growth Mindset. Mistakes will happen, but instead of focusing on blame, encourage learning and growth. Help your team see failures as opportunities for improvement, not reasons for punishment.
Give Constructive Feedback. Offer feedback that helps employees grow, rather than discourages them. Focus on areas for improvement in a way that is supportive, not critical.
Build Open Communication. Ensure that your team feels comfortable coming to you for guidance or support, but also give them the space to solve problems on their own.
Encourage Creativity. Allow team members the freedom to think outside the box and explore new solutions. Encourage them to challenge the status quo and contribute ideas.
Respect Autonomy. Respect the individual approaches and working styles of your team members. Different people have different ways of achieving results—what matters is the outcome, not the method.
10 Empowering Phrases Leaders Can Use
Transitioning from micromanaging to empowering leadership requires intentional language. Here are 10 phrases leaders can use to empower their teams:
“I trust your judgment on this.” This phrase shows that you believe in your employee’s ability to make decisions and handle responsibility.
“How would you approach this?” Asking for input gives your team members a sense of ownership and encourages them to take initiative.
“You have the skills to handle this.” Reinforcing confidence in their abilities boosts morale and motivates them to succeed.
“What resources or support do you need from me?” Instead of controlling the process, offer support where needed while allowing them to take the lead.
“Let me know how it goes, and if you need any help.” Offering help without hovering shows that you’re available but trust them to manage independently.
“Take your time to figure out the best way to approach this.” Giving team members the freedom to explore different methods encourages creativity and ownership.
“Feel free to experiment and see what works.” This phrase fosters innovation by encouraging your team to try new approaches and take risks.
“I’m confident you’ll make the right call.” Letting employees know you trust them to make important decisions empowers them to act with confidence.
“What do you think should be the next step?” Encouraging employees to think critically and lead the process strengthens their decision-making skills.
“You’ve got this. I’m here if you need anything.” Balancing empowerment with support, this phrase shows that you believe in their ability while being a safety net if needed.
Micromanaging and empowering leadership represent two vastly different approaches to leading teams. While micromanaging is rooted in control and often stifles innovation, empowering leadership is about fostering autonomy, trust, and growth. By transitioning from micromanaging to empowering, leaders can create a more motivated, engaged, and high-performing team.
The key to empowerment lies in building trust, offering guidance without controlling every detail, and encouraging creativity and initiative. Through small shifts in language and leadership style, you can foster an environment where your team feels empowered to take ownership, make decisions, and grow—ultimately benefiting both the individuals and the organization as a whole.
Quotes of the Week
QUOTE — EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE
QUOTE — PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT
QUOTE — LEADERSHIP
Reframe
The Power of Mindset Reframing: Breaking Free from the Bamboozle
Carl Sagan’s profound observation, “One of the saddest lessons of history is this: If we’ve been bamboozled long enough, we tend to reject any evidence of the bamboozle,” serves as a powerful reminder of how deeply entrenched beliefs can be—even when they no longer serve us. He goes on to say that acknowledging the truth after being misled is often so painful that many choose to stay in denial rather than confront the uncomfortable reality. This psychological phenomenon can be observed throughout history, in politics, religion, personal relationships, and even in how we see ourselves. But there’s a way out, and it begins with mindset reframing.
What Is Mindset Reframing?
Mindset reframing is the mental practice of changing the way we interpret and react to certain situations or beliefs. It’s about shifting our perspective so that we see challenges, setbacks, or ingrained patterns through a new lens—one that empowers us instead of keeping us trapped in a cycle of self-deception or helplessness. At its core, reframing involves identifying limiting beliefs and actively challenging them with more empowering, truthful narratives.
Sagan’s quote highlights a crucial part of this: when we’ve been misled or “bamboozled” for too long, our mindset becomes anchored to that false narrative, even if it causes harm. The difficulty lies in confronting the painful truth, but reframing allows us to break free from mental traps that keep us stuck.
The Pain of Acknowledging We’ve Been Bamboozled
When someone realizes they’ve been tricked or manipulated, the emotional weight can be overwhelming. It’s not just about realizing a specific truth; it’s about confronting the personal implications of that truth—how we’ve allowed ourselves to be misled and how we’ve based decisions, relationships, or careers on false premises. This can be deeply painful, triggering feelings of shame, guilt, or embarrassment. Many people, as Sagan suggests, prefer to remain in denial to avoid confronting these uncomfortable emotions.
But avoiding the truth doesn’t change the reality. Staying in the comfort of false beliefs may seem easier, but it perpetuates a cycle of stagnation, limiting our potential for growth, learning, and happiness. Mindset reframing is the tool that can help us navigate this discomfort and ultimately break free.
The Power of Reframing in Personal Growth
Imagine being in a job that you hate, but you stay because you’ve convinced yourself there are no better opportunities. Perhaps you’ve been in this role for years, constantly telling yourself that switching careers or following your passion is impossible. You’ve been “bamboozled” by your own narrative. It’s easier to stay stuck in the job than to admit you might have been holding yourself back out of fear or self-doubt.
Reframing, in this case, involves questioning that narrative. Is it really true that no better opportunities exist? Is it a fact that you are incapable of making a change? Or is that belief based on past fears or limited experiences? By challenging these thoughts and replacing them with a more empowering perspective, such as “I have the skills and resources to pursue a career I enjoy,” you begin to open yourself up to new possibilities.
This reframing process can also apply to deeply ingrained beliefs about self-worth. Many people carry around narratives shaped by childhood, relationships, or societal standards that tell them they’re “not enough” or incapable of success. These limiting beliefs act like the bamboozle Sagan describes—they feel real because they’ve been with us for so long, but in truth, they are only stories we’ve told ourselves.
The Challenge and Reward of Reframing
While the concept of reframing is simple, the process can be challenging. As Sagan points out, the charlatan—or in our case, the false narrative—has power over us. And reclaiming that power requires effort, emotional courage, and a willingness to face the painful truths we’ve been avoiding. But on the other side of that pain lies immense freedom.
When you reframe your mindset, you no longer see challenges as insurmountable obstacles. You see them as opportunities for growth. You recognize that past mistakes don’t define you; instead, they become lessons that shape your future success. Reframing helps you let go of the need to always be “right” and opens you up to the idea that changing your mind or acknowledging past errors is a sign of strength, not weakness.
How to Start Reframing Your Mindset
Identify Limiting Beliefs. Pay attention to recurring thoughts that keep you stuck. What stories do you tell yourself about your abilities, relationships, or opportunities? Write them down and reflect on their origin.
Challenge the Narrative. Once you’ve identified these beliefs, question their validity. Ask yourself, “Is this really true?” or “What if the opposite were true?”.
Reframe the Story. Replace the limiting belief with a more empowering one. For example, instead of thinking “I’ll never be successful,” reframe it to “Success is a journey, and I’m capable of learning and improving along the way.”
Take Action. Reframing your mindset is about more than just changing your thoughts—it’s about acting on those new beliefs. Take small steps that align with your new narrative, whether that’s applying for a new job, pursuing a passion, or setting boundaries in a toxic relationship.
Practice Self-Compassion. Acknowledging that you’ve been bamboozled is hard. Be kind to yourself throughout this process. Growth takes time, and it’s okay to make mistakes along the way.
Conclusion: Reclaiming Your Power Through Reframing
As Carl Sagan reminds us, once we’ve given power to a false belief or narrative, it can be incredibly difficult to take it back. But through mindset reframing, we can challenge those beliefs, release the hold they have on us, and step into a more empowered version of ourselves. The path isn’t easy, but the freedom and personal growth that come from reframing make the journey worth it.The charlatan—whether it’s a person, an outdated belief, or a narrative you’ve told yourself—doesn’t have to control your story anymore. By changing the way you think and act, you reclaim your power and move toward the life you truly desire.
Deep Dives Articles
DEEP DIVES ARTICLE — EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE
The Difference Between Being Emotional and Having High Emotional Intelligence – How Emotional Control Can Define Your Success in Life
This is a sneak peek of this week’s Deep Dives article — published today! Become a Deep Dives Member to get access to the full article.
Do your emotions control you, or do you know how to manage them effectively? In our article, “The Difference Between Being Emotional and Having High Emotional Intelligence – How Emotional Control Can Define Your Success in Life,“ we explore how emotional intelligence can transform your life and relationships. Discover the critical differences between reacting impulsively and responding with self-awareness and control. Want to deepen your understanding of emotional intelligence and learn how to cultivate it in your daily life? Subscribe to our Deep Dive membership for exclusive access to the full article and start mastering your emotions today!
DEEP DIVES ARTICLE — PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT
The Burden of Discipline Over the Burden of Regret (Hard Decisions Now, Easy Life Later; Easy Decisions Now, Hard Life Later)
This is a sneak peek of this week’s Deep Dives article — published today! Become a Deep Dives Member to get access to the full article.
Are you constantly choosing comfort over challenge, only to face regret later? In our article, “The Burden of Discipline Over the Burden of Regret (Hard Decisions Now, Easy Life Later; Easy Decisions Now, Hard Life Later),” we explore how making tough choices today leads to a life of freedom and fulfillment tomorrow. Learn why discipline may feel hard in the moment but ultimately prevents the much heavier burden of regret. Want to dive deeper into this life-changing philosophy? Subscribe to our Deep Dive membership to access the full article and start building a future free from regret!
DEEP DIVES ARTICLE — LEADERSHIP
Being a Kind Leader Versus Being a Nice Leader — Understanding the Difference in Leadership Styles and Their Impact
This is a sneak peek of this week’s Deep Dives article — published today! Become a Deep Dives Member to get access to the full article.
Are you a leader who prioritizes being liked over being effective? In our article, “Being a Kind Leader Versus Being a Nice Leader: Understanding the Difference in Leadership Styles and Their Impact,” we dive into the key distinctions between kindness and niceness in leadership. Learn why true kindness empowers your team, fosters growth, and drives results, while “being nice” often avoids tough decisions and stifles progress. Ready to transform your leadership style? Subscribe to our Deep Dive membership to access the full article and discover how to become a kind, empowering leader that inspires real change.
Deep Dives Book Summary
Liberated Love — Release Codependent Patterns and Create the Love You Desire
By Mark Groves and Kylie McBeath
This is a sneak peek of this week’s Deep Dives Book Review — published today! Become a Deep Dives Member to get access to the full Book Summary.
In Liberated Love, Mark Groves and Kylie McBeath offer a transformative guide to shedding toxic relationship patterns and building connections rooted in mutual respect, emotional freedom, and authenticity. If you’ve ever felt trapped in cycles of emotional dependency or struggled with setting boundaries in relationships, this book holds the key to cultivating the love you truly desire. Through actionable insights and relatable examples, Groves and McBeath walk you through everything from identifying the roots of codependency to embracing emotional responsibility and vulnerability. Curious to know how you can create healthier, more empowered partnerships? Subscribe to our Deep Dives Membership and unlock the full chapter-by-chapter summary of Liberated Love. It’s time to start your journey toward liberated, lasting love!