Emotional Intelligence Series
Emotional intelligence, often referred to as EQ, has become a bit of a buzzword in conversations about self-growth, leadership, and relationships. But contrary to popular belief, high EQ isn’t something you’re born with. It’s not a natural talent reserved for a select few—it’s a skill, and like any other skill, it can be learned, practiced, and refined.
What makes EQ so powerful is its ability to transform not just how we connect with others, but also how we connect with ourselves. It’s the art of navigating emotions—ours and others’—with clarity, empathy, and control. But what many don’t realize is that building EQ isn’t about grand gestures or sweeping life changes. It happens in the small, everyday moments where we choose to pause, reflect, and respond differently.
The 15 Surprising Truths About Emotional
And practical ways you can start strengthening your EQ today.
No. 1 — Sometimes the Best Response Is No Response
When emotions are running high, it’s easy to get swept up in the heat of the moment and fire off a response. But silence is often the most emotionally intelligent thing you can offer. It gives you time to think, process, and respond intentionally instead of reacting impulsively.
💡 Try This. The next time you’re in a heated conversation, pause for five seconds before you say anything. That brief moment can shift the entire tone of the discussion.
No. 2 — What Annoys You About Others Is a Mirror
We’ve all had those moments when someone’s behavior absolutely grates on us. But here’s the kicker: what irritates us most in others often reflects traits we struggle with in ourselves. Recognizing this truth can be uncomfortable but incredibly liberating—it helps us identify areas for personal growth.
💡 Try This. Write down three behaviors that frustrate you in others, then ask yourself, “When do I act this way?” Awareness is the first step toward change.
No. 3 — Empathy Without Boundaries Can Drain You
Empathy is one of the cornerstones of EQ, but too much of it—especially without boundaries—can leave you feeling overwhelmed and depleted. Just because you feel someone else’s emotions doesn’t mean you’re responsible for fixing them.
💡 Try This. Create a “not my responsibility” list. Write down emotional burdens or situations you need to let go of and remind yourself to focus on what’s within your control.
No. 4 — Handling Rejection Gracefully Is the True Test of EQ
Success feels great, but the moments that really reveal emotional intelligence are those of rejection, criticism, or failure. How you handle these situations determines your growth far more than how you celebrate victories.
💡 Try This. When someone gives you negative feedback, practice saying, “Thank you for your input.” Resist the urge to defend yourself and instead reflect on what you can learn from their perspective.
No. 5 — Honesty Is More Important Than Comfort
Being emotionally intelligent doesn’t mean avoiding conflict or always keeping things pleasant. True EQ involves having the courage to be honest, even when it’s uncomfortable. Growth often lies on the other side of difficult conversations.
💡 Try This. Identify one conversation you’ve been avoiding and commit to having it. Approach it with kindness, but don’t shy away from the truth.
No. 6 — The More You Understand Others, the More You Need Time Alone
Emotionally intelligent people are often highly attuned to the emotions of others, which can be both a gift and a burden. Spending time in other people’s emotional worlds can be draining, making it essential to prioritize alone time to recharge.
💡 Try This. After an intense social or emotional interaction, take a quick break. A short walk paired with a few deep breaths can help you reset and regain your energy.
No. 7 — EQ Dips When You’re Hungry, Tired, or Stressed
Ever notice how much harder it is to keep your cool when you’re running on empty? EQ isn’t just about emotional awareness—it’s also tied to your physical state. When you’re exhausted or stressed, your ability to manage emotions takes a nosedive.
💡 Try This. Avoid making emotional decisions when you’re hungry or late at night. Instead, wait until you’re rested and clear-headed.
No. 8 — The Downside of High EQ? Perfectionism
One of the unexpected challenges of EQ is the tendency to hold yourself to impossibly high standards. You may feel pressure to always “get it right” emotionally, but this pursuit of perfection can hold you back.
💡 Try This. Adopt the mindset of Good Enough To Move On (GETMO). Let progress, not perfection, be your guide as you navigate emotional challenges.
No. 9 — Understanding Your Own Emotions Is the Hardest Part
It’s easier to name someone else’s emotions than it is to identify your own. Being emotionally intelligent starts with self-awareness, and that means learning to observe your feelings without letting them control you.
💡 Try This. Instead of saying, “I’m angry,” say, “I notice anger is here.” This subtle shift helps you separate yourself from your emotions and see them more clearly.
No. 10 — Reading Fiction Boosts EQ Better Than Self-Help
Self-help books are great for building awareness, but reading fiction may do more to build empathy and emotional intelligence. Fiction allows you to step into someone else’s shoes, deepening your understanding of different perspectives.
💡 Try This. Read a chapter of a novel before bed. Immersing yourself in another person’s story can expand your emotional awareness in surprising ways.
No. 11 — Recognizing Manipulation Is Easier—But Ignoring It Isn’t
As your EQ grows, you’ll become better at spotting when someone is trying to manipulate you. But recognizing manipulation isn’t the hard part—it’s learning to address it without getting sucked in emotionally.
💡 Try This. Use a boundary-setting phrase like, “Let’s pause and revisit this later,” to create space and protect your energy.
No. 12 — Most People Want to Be Heard, Not Fixed
When someone comes to you with a problem, your first instinct might be to offer advice or solutions. But often, what people truly want is to feel seen and understood, not to be “fixed.”
💡 Try This. Replace, “Here’s what I would do,” with, “What are your options?” This shifts the focus back to them and shows that you’re listening.
No. 13 — Emotional Control Isn’t About Perfection, But Recovery
Even the most emotionally intelligent people lose their cool sometimes. The difference lies in how quickly they can reset and get back on track after a slip-up.
💡 Try This. Practice a quick reset ritual. Take three deep breaths (in for 4 seconds, hold for 7, exhale for 8), roll your shoulders back, and whisper, “Reset complete.”
No. 14 — You Can’t Change Others’ Emotions, Only Your Response
One of the most freeing truths about EQ is realizing that you can’t control how others feel. What you can control is how you respond to their emotions.
💡 Try This. In your next conflict, list what’s actually within your control. Focus your energy there and let go of trying to manage someone else’s feelings.
No. 15 — Being Genuine Matters More Than Being Liked
Emotional intelligence isn’t about people-pleasing. It’s about authenticity—being true to who you are, even if it doesn’t make everyone happy. People are drawn to genuine connections, not performances.
💡 Try This. Pay attention to moments when you feel like you’re “performing” instead of being yourself. Ask yourself: Who am I with? What am I talking about? Use this awareness to lean into your true self.
Building EQ One Habit at a Time
Emotional intelligence isn’t built overnight, and it’s not about becoming perfect. It’s about making small, intentional choices every day to connect better—with yourself and with others.
Start with just one of these truths and its corresponding habit. Over time, you’ll notice shifts in how you handle conflict, communicate, and navigate relationships.
Remember, EQ isn’t just a skill—it’s a lifelong practice. And the more you invest in it, the more you’ll see its impact on every area of your life.(Inspired by Dr. Carolyn Frost)
